8 February 2011. Mexico City.
Early Tuesday morning neighbors reported seeing a chubby American woman chasing a local Toluca man down the street. The incident, of the kind unheard of in this quiet new suburb, was reported to security by one of the community’s groundskeepers.
“It was horrible!” He said, “She stalked him like an animal. Quietly maneuvering until she was close enough to pounce.” Luckily the victim, a Mr. M.I.P., was quick enough to dodge and escape the fat girl when she would get too “close for comfort”.
“This sick ‘game’ went on for twenty minutes!” Another neighbor exclaimed. “She kept creeping up and he kept running away.” Authorities are baffled as to why Mr. M.I.P. didn’t just run away and leave the crazed foreigner behind as he was in excellent condition.
It has since become known that this unsightly incident began as an early morning jog. Ms. Weishaar, of Oregon, was visiting Mr. M.I.P. when she was inspired to a sunrise exertion. In hind-sight, any psychologist might have warned that such behavior is indicative of a lapse in sanity as Ms. W. is not a “morning-person”. Some scientists believe that the high altitude affected her judgement and general capacity to behave as a normal Homo sapiens sapiens.
When reporters of Baobabs, Pagodas, and the Taj Mahal asked Ms. Weishaar about the incident, she stated matter-of-factly, “It is okay to act like a child in a foreign country. It just depends on what parameters you’ve set for ‘acting like a child’.” The horrified neighbors do not agree that children generally behave as African predators by stalking or pouncing on other children.